I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
