She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
