One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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