She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
