It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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