maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
