He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
