dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
