how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
