When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
