Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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