Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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