i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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