I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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