i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
