I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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