Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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