i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
