So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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