I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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