I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
