It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
