I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
