I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
