First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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