people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
