It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
