Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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