Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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