I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
