the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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