I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
