so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
