have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
