I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
