did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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