Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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