u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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