thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
