he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
