Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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