You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to make out with him forever
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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