His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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