Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
