Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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