At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
