So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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