I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
