i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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