Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
