my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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